Misanthropy Appreciator Pillows

Bad sport cards

"I expect you all to be team players - except Ted, whom I expect to remain team mascot."

Big business is not evil

"Dig deep! C'mon! You got this!"

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

"Are you binge watching again?"

Lookup in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! Malaprop Man! You're playing poker these days! Yep. I'm a natural born grumbler. Last time I played I won a bit pop with a full horse. Then I bit it all and lost on the next hand. I needed one card for a royal flash. I never had a chance because all four jerks were missing. There was only forty-eight cards! I always knew you weren't playing with a full deck, Malaprop Man.

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

"Have you got it in beige?"

I HATE STUFF

Antiques, Furniture Stripping, Stripping.

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

"I kind of like you in these moods, Phil!"

Here Lies Bill Smith, Victim of a Mad Axe Murderer, Rest in Pieces

I love myself.

'You're going to go far in this company, Mitford...'

"How can I love my enemies when I don't even like my friends?"

'Hey, Mister! Stop bawling at me!'

"Narcissus! That's a pretty name."

"People extra suck"

"He never fit in, so this is how he wanted to be remembered."

Old Goopta wants to be reincarnated as fog? Yes. He will be mist.

The End.

Antisocial distancing

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

Golf courses on the rough side of town.

Together...

"Well―what's for barbecue...?"

The prop department forgot to put a fly in my soup. In fact, they forgot to put soup in my bowl. That's because comic-strip readers can't see inside your bowl. This is called acting. Look into it.

Me vs everybody else

Misfortune Cookie

'John thinks I'm part of the furniture.'

"I know you and Magdalena don't get along too well...but it's great when she visits. She's so giving!"