Misanthrope With Canine Preference Pillows

Dogs allowed. Actually, we prefer people stay out and only the dogs come in.

"When I was a puppy, I barked as a puppy, I understood as a puppy, I thought as a puppy. But when I became a dog, I put away puppy things except for my shabby, old, beat-up stuffy toy. I still freaking love this thing."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

"I'm referring you to another therapy dog."

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"We laugh, but it's a mirthless laugh."

"The deal sounds great. I'd shake on it, but I never learned how."

I'm interviewing for a new walker.

"Manager does not do tricks."

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

I HATE STUFF

'No problem...'

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

'You just go out on the lot and mark the tree you want.'

"Do those shoes taste funny to you?"

"I'll announce the pay freeze after the meeting, because then it will look like your decision."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"Every night, I feel so used."

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

"How can I love my enemies when I don't even like my friends?"

"People extra suck"

"Was there any game in any sport last night which we can discuss?"

'When you see a mouse, just catch it. They don't have to sign a waiver.'

'Stop Fred, don't taunt this one: He's a guide dog...'

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

Astronaut steps in dog poop.

"My husband finally figured out a way to keep our relatives from visiting."

"The Annual Report looks good."

"I don't fetch sticks, I acquire them."

'Quite the little beggar, isn't he?'

"Idiots who kill people for a stupid religion. Greedy morons who destroy the environment, crazy war mongers...you can keep your creation. It scares me to death, man!"

'How ironic.'