Mirthful Philosopher Gifts

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'How did he make the world in six days?'

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

The Meaning of Life

'And everybody expects me to be happy, which only makes things worse!'

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'Now, as many of you know, I was the Monkey's uncle...'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

'We now have a drug to cure 'writer's block' but a common side effect is plagiaism.'

"I like the Easter Bunny - I find him less judgmental than Santa Claus."

" ... And the kids only like me for my presents."

"Repent, lest the axe of judgement fall upon thee."