Light-hearted Philosopher Gifts

"You da man!"

"Someone stole my anti-depressant pills. I hope they're happy now!"

"Don't go to the light, Ned!"

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Hey, Twig! You're not tanning are you? I know. I know. "Tan" is a superficial construct of abstract beauty standards. Right. Like good looks and being rich. So unappealing.

Would the last person to leave please turn off the enlightenment?

"Yes, Gramps, we agreed to follow 'until death do us part' with the caveat that we might be placed in separate wings of the assisted living facility."

'Try some -- it's 'om mani padme hummus.''

"Getting older isn't so bad when you consider the only alternative..."

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

Yes, I'll be your insignificant other.

Just Asleep.

'I'm on my break right now -- can you come back next February?'

'Thank you for choosing heaven - we hope you have a pleasant stay.'

The World Ends Today!: 'Never mind, dear- better luck tomorrow!'

"I died of old age, an eighty year old in an invalid scooter knocked me over."

"No, you can't go back for your sports magazine's swimsuit issue."

"Would you please knock off the boooring chant?!!"

"I'm going to the corner for a pack of cigarettes, then I'm going somewhere I can smoke them."

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

At the 2021 Religious Games

Get crazy once in a while

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Going Down?

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

"FREEDOM!!!"

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"