Mirthful Jokester Pillows

"We can't afford to be late. If you can't find your cuff links, use the nipple clamps mother gave you for xmas."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Men dancing

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

Pelobong

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Leaving cards.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

Elf of the Month

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."