Miracle Musers Gifts

Jesus the comedian.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Fishing with God

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'You'll be spending a little time in pilates purgatory but don't worry, those guys work miracles.'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

"When it takes longer to wash your face, you're getting bald."

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

'Well I think it's worth a try!'

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

"You didn't post anything on social media today. So, the church sent someone over to witness miracle."

'I see you're not wearing clean underpants.'

Insomnia.

Advertisements for 'Brother Marsh- faith healer and Deacon 'Speed' Alton- emergency room'.

Bishop reads menu which features only loaves, fishes, water and wine.

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

'We're fresh out of miracles. Want to see a card trick?'

Jerusalem's Got Talent

"Thank you, sir."

Psychic near sign: Madam Zoe. Palms read futures told weather forcasts given.

"How dare you!"

"You definately have a musical ear"

Sign - Hoddle I'l keep saints up. "So he works miracles too then."

Jesus Rollerblading on water