Millennial Observer Pillows

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Non-Uniform Day Today.

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

Old Yarns

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

Blogging Shoes

"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."

'Hi, it's me, my therapist said I should communicate more...'

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'

"May I air-quote you?"

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"It's free, but they sell your information."

Plan B