Millennial Ponderer Pillows

Crybaby Millennials

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

Fur Baby

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

"How did people waste time before computers?"

Man bun tending

Fables for the Millennial.

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

Captain Millennial

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"So remember son, if you study hard and keep focused in your job you too can probably not quite reach the same standard of living as your dad."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

"What's a phone book?"

"I just saw a hipster age perceptibly."

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

"But...I didn't even get my participation trophy! It's not fair!"

Metamorphosis: Nature's Magnificent Reveal

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

SAUER KRAUT, 'Sometimes I think Rome is getting TOO multicultural.'

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven

"Fabric softener, chain restaurants, divorce—you millennials are killing everything. I'm impressed."

"Do you think voicing dissatisfaction will ever carry the same weight again?"