Millennial Philosopher Pillows

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

Fables for the Millennial.

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

Fur Baby

"He's an indoor cat."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"With great power comes zero responsibility."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

'According to this stop watch I'm not growing up fast enough.'

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

'I'm worried about Junior. He's so lazy he won't even take his own selfie.'

"Avocado...t-toast..."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

"You've hit the age where your broad mind and narrow waist are turning into your narrow mind and broad waist."

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"What's wrong with your dad?"

Man bun tending

"I can't image growing up without computers or cell phones. Your generation had it rough, huh, Dad?"

"Sometimes, on a day like this, I can just catch the faintest smell of youth."

Captain Millennial

“Mom, can you come get me?”

'it's going through mid-life crisis.'

"I'm going to e-mail you this op-ed about how your generation is ruining everything."

"To what do you attribute your longevity."

"It started with a little rinse to cover the gray..."

"What's a phone book?"