Generational Philosopher Pillows

"I'm going to e-mail you this op-ed about how your generation is ruining everything."

'Compared to what they get away with these days, I wasn't that bad. Got in before they lowered their standards.'

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

"I can't image growing up without computers or cell phones. Your generation had it rough, huh, Dad?"

"Nice haircut."

Little boy reading a classic whilst his Dad reads a comic.

"1971... 2015..."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

"That's right, son. God knew everything before Google."

In the Year 2525

'He was an impressionist. Like that Alistair McGowan...'

Millennials in the Year 2050...

"Someday when you have children of your own, you’ll understand why I dress you like ‘an idiot.’"

"It's the Silicon Valley foundation - they want to know if we'll match our grandson's $100 million donation."

"He wouldn't have rolled over and over in agony on the bombed-out cinder pitches we had to play on!"

"Dad, how does the outdoors work without batteries?"

"If I were a dog I'd only be 11."

"The floor is now open for discussion of what to name ou generation."

"I'm glad you boys let me come along with you...it's nice to see how you kids live life! I mean, with youth on your side, I'm sure you live every moment to the fullest!"

'Such a friendly new neighbour, Cecil - we've been invited to something called a rave-up tonight!'

"Quite frankly I can't wait to see how your generation messes up everything."

"How did people waste time before computers?"

Fables for the Millennial.

Contest time. Mort and Sadie, our ornery octogenarians, have decided to rename Rudy's generation. Mort favors Generation I - for impatient. Sadie prefers Generation V - for virtual. Or vapid! What do you think? Please send your own ideas to asksadieshow@gmail.com. C'mon people, get thinkin'!

"My Dad keeps playing the awful originals to my remixes."

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My mother doesn't want me to get a tattoo, but I disagree. I believe that a tattoo would be very attractive. What do you think? - Jessica, rebellious daughter. *(Actual reader letter). Is this serious? Is this a real letter? They're all real. I am stunned. Stunned? What is wrong with children? Defying their mothers? Do you know what would happen if we had defied our parents like that? What? They'd have sent us to live in the old country with our illiterate cousins who left

'Please call me Phil. Dad was my dad's name.'

"OK Boomer."

"I invited my friends over so we can see how much your generation is leaving us to pay off!"

"So, when you young execs talk about 'phoning it in' there's no actual phone involved?"

"Why should our kids feel entitled to the lives our parents worked so hard to provide for us?"

Generation Hexed