Millennial Mindset Explorer Pillows

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

Politically Correct Snowperson

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"You have got to want to change."

"Half Empty. Half Empty. Half Empty-"

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

Crazy Straw. Crazy Straw after therapy

"Forgetting passwords doesn't make you a bad person, Arnold."

"You know what your problem is? You think too much."

"Maybe it was really about the journey this whole time."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

'An OPTIMIST thinks that we're moving towards the best of all possible worlds - a PESSIMIST thinks that we've already arrived.'

"Do I dare get up?"

'You have the right to an attorney, a therapist, an anger management counselor, a support group...'

Captain Millennial

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

"Put that stupid phone away and look at the beautiful colors!"

Fables for the Millennial.

Millennial Pain Assessment

"Why do you always get to be 'half-full' and I have to be 'half empty'!?"

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

'How to Make Total and Humiliating Failure Work for YOU!'

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "