Millennial Mindset Explorer Pillows

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

Politically Correct Snowperson

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"You have got to want to change."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"Half Empty. Half Empty. Half Empty-"

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

Crazy Straw. Crazy Straw after therapy

Just think of meditation as "mental floss."

"Forgetting passwords doesn't make you a bad person, Arnold."

It's a Millennial Generation Life off!

"You know what your problem is? You think too much."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"Maybe it was really about the journey this whole time."

"Have you considered that your anger has something to do with the company you keep?"

'An OPTIMIST thinks that we're moving towards the best of all possible worlds - a PESSIMIST thinks that we've already arrived.'

Psychiatry. Your disorientation is number 2248 in my psychiatry manual. You mean my daze is numbered?

"Son, you don't need social media to make you feel inadequate and depressed - you've got your parents."

"All this meditation has really got me thinking."

Captain Millennial

Millennial Pain Assessment

"Put that stupid phone away and look at the beautiful colors!"

'You have the right to an attorney, a therapist, an anger management counselor, a support group...'

"Do I dare get up?"

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

Fables for the Millennial.

"Why do you always get to be 'half-full' and I have to be 'half empty'!?"

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

'How to Make Total and Humiliating Failure Work for YOU!'