Millennial Appreciator Pillows

"I.T. Solutions! No, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong generation."

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"We added it just for the millenials."

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"The season finale of the world is near."

"Yeah, I want a neck tat with gothic lettering that says, 'Welcome to a career in the fast food service industry.'"

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

"Avocado...t-toast..."

Captain Millennial

Fables for the Millennial.

Millennial Pain Assessment

"I don't think this is a diner about being a diner. I think this is just a diner."

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

"What's a phone book?"

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

"Quick, before the shock wave hits."

Crybaby Millennials

'Do you take this woman...'-'Sorry just got a call coming through.'

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

Disloyal

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

Ted hits puberty...

Housing Dilemma for Young Adults

"Weird. . . he just sits there drinking coffee."

"Excuse me, but I happen to identify as a left-handed person and this is a right-handed mug."

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven

'Why is grass green?' 'Simple the magnesium ion....chlorophyll

"This counts as one wish, by the way."

"Like my Facebook page."

"I literally don't even remember what we do here."