Millennial Appreciator Pillows

"I.T. Solutions! No, I'm sorry, you've got the wrong generation."

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"We added it just for the millenials."

"The season finale of the world is near."

"Yeah, I want a neck tat with gothic lettering that says, 'Welcome to a career in the fast food service industry.'"

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"Avocado...t-toast..."

Millennial Pain Assessment

Fables for the Millennial.

"I don't think this is a diner about being a diner. I think this is just a diner."

Captain Millennial

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"What's a phone book?"

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

"I think they were a civilization that celebrated middle age!"

Crybaby Millennials

"Quick, before the shock wave hits."

'Do you take this woman...'-'Sorry just got a call coming through.'

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

Ted hits puberty...

"Weird. . . he just sits there drinking coffee."

"This counts as one wish, by the way."

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven

'Why is grass green?' 'Simple the magnesium ion....chlorophyll

"Like my Facebook page."

People ride an escalator to the gym.

"I literally don't even remember what we do here."