Millennial Moment Appreciator Pillows

'Do you take this woman...'-'Sorry just got a call coming through.'

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Larry is seventy with occasional gusts to eighty-five."

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

"The season finale of the world is near."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

"Avocado...t-toast..."

'Dude, don't do it. Somewhere down the road it will lead to chores.'

"Look at that adorable mother and baby! I haven't changed a diaper in years."

'Now where did I put that cape?'

Captain Millennial

"Sure, you don't know me now, but just wait 'til the year 2000...I'm the Millennium Bug."

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the internet had never been invented."

"Good News! It's today again!"

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

"Quick, before the shock wave hits."

'It's his birthday. Can you play 'Another day older and deeper in debt'?'

Death in park

Crybaby Millennials

'I remember my pin, but I've forgotten my name!'

Disloyal

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

"I'm sorry, Louis. I need someone more Y2K-compliant."

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven

"Excuse me, but I happen to identify as a left-handed person and this is a right-handed mug."

"It's to keep me from getting ahead of myself."

"This counts as one wish, by the way."

'Millennium writing competition' "I meant to enter that but my computer went down"