Present Moment Appreciator Pillows

"It's to keep me from getting ahead of myself."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

I want a calendar where every day says here and now

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

All we have in life is this moment...

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Speed Dating Disasters

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Are you blushing?!"

Windchimes

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

"The alarm will alert us when our meditative, present-moment-restoring tech break has ended."

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'My whole life flashed before my eyes. I want to talk to the guy who did the editing.'

How to injury yourself as an adult

"Stop arguing - I'll walk myself."

(Cursing symbols)! Did I have a piece of spinach stuck to my tusk the whole date?

"Don't take this the wrong way, but your sweaty hand is grossing me out."

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."

Outingpatient

"You have the most beautiful piece of kale stuck in your teeth."

"What's so funny? She had to go!!"

"I have so many summer videos on my phone, but I don’t remember being there." "Sure. Because you experienced it all through your phone."

'Now where did I put that cape?'

"Bud has a great way with kids, but they don't know it."