Millennial Ponderer T-Shirts

Crybaby Millennials

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

Fur Baby

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

It's a Millennial Generation Life off!

"Son, you don't need social media to make you feel inadequate and depressed - you've got your parents."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

Captain Millennial

Man bun tending

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

Fables for the Millennial.

"How did people waste time before computers?"

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"What's a phone book?"

"So remember son, if you study hard and keep focused in your job you too can probably not quite reach the same standard of living as your dad."

"I just saw a hipster age perceptibly."

"I'm sorry, Dave. You lost me after the first 140 words."

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, My mother doesn't want me to get a tattoo, but I disagree. I believe that a tattoo would be very attractive. What do you think? - Jessica, rebellious daughter. *(Actual reader letter). Is this serious? Is this a real letter? They're all real. I am stunned. Stunned? What is wrong with children? Defying their mothers? Do you know what would happen if we had defied our parents like that? What? They'd have sent us to live in the old country with our illiterate cousins who left

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

Hipster Charm Offensive

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

Disloyal

"But...I didn't even get my participation trophy! It's not fair!"

Metamorphosis: Nature's Magnificent Reveal

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

'Life is easy for you kids these days! When I was a boy...'

SAUER KRAUT, 'Sometimes I think Rome is getting TOO multicultural.'

Housing Dilemma for Young Adults

"You just destroyed your safe space."

"Fabric softener, chain restaurants, divorce—you millennials are killing everything. I'm impressed."

"Excuse me, but I happen to identify as a left-handed person and this is a right-handed mug."

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven