Mile Master Gifts

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

"He's such a fussy eater."

A Tit for Tat.

Pull the udder one

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

The Bare Minimum

Gym. Weight Room. This must be sculpting my body --- All my muscles feel like putty.

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

Important Muscles.

'I told you we should have gone wireless.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

'And now over to Mike for the video presentation...Mike?...Mike?'

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

"Easy day at school. Spelling was easy as ABC, math was easy as one two three, and music was easy as Do Re Mi."

Michail Glinka

Timmy Works with His Pet Cow

"Well, we've for the melody down now, but I'm still not sure about the part where it goes, '...and they call the wind Dorcas Schnickelbaum.'"

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

Ah Ha!

Cubits? Haven't You gone metric yet?

Prince

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

The weight of winning gold.

Giuseppe Verdi

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"