Minute Master Gifts

'Please don't read anything into the minutes, Ms. Thomas. Just reading the minutes will suffice.'

Checking watch

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Remote control pirate bully

Baby Piano

"What's a debenture?"

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

Clever visual metaphor used to personify the abstract concept of thought and memory.

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"Bruh, that is some SERIOUS kazoo."

'I'm a virtuoso on the middle pedal.'

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

We called this meeting to decide your torture, Mr. Jones. Then we realized we could kill two birds with one stone by making this meeting eternal.

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

Take a bow!

The Bare Minimum

Violin Player

"It's just a jogger!" "It's just a car!" "There's nothing out there now!" "I was thinking of the squirrel I saw last week"

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just look what we can accomplish when we work towards a common goal...LUNCH!"

Mafia Short-Term Memory Clinic. 'Fuhgettaboutit.'

'Why do I have to do this? -- Violins never solve anything!'

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)