Metro Humorist Gifts

'It's an app that tells me when metro will get its act together.'

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Middle-Age Superheroes

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Radiator jazz player

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Elevator Music

Peter

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Rap-scallions

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

'PHWOAR! You should have seen her rear end when she sat on the piano. . . played 'TINK' and 'BOOM' at the same time!'

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Double Saxophone

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.

'Never mind singing it in rap...a simple 'I do' will suffice.''

Dr. Phil takes it home.

All Les's dreams of stardom were coming true, and he'd only played one note.

"Ding" "Dong"