Subway Humorist Gifts

The return of Miss Subways

"Hey, pal, people have to ride trains on those tracks."

"I'm changing at 42nd street."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"I gave on the E train."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

Targeted Advertising

Honey I'm Home

Metrocard error messages

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no delays on the subway today."

Lex Ave Express

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

'Not only does he have a one-track mind...it's also narrow gauge.'

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"It's the wrong type of tracks on the snow."

Cook complaining to milkman

'Would you please stop reading over my shoulder!'

Tortoise is snail taxi.

Small Talk Therapy

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

Fare Evader

"Well, Charles, it wasn't a 'pesky little wasp,' it was a hummingbird."

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

'I'll fix you! But Good!'