Urban Commuter Humorist Gifts

'Mind your own business' section

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'For Sale by Neighbor'

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

"Take me home now!"

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

Sculptor explaining to tourist in Trafalgar Square that sculpture of pigeon is called 'Retribution - it actually doubles as a giant privy!'

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

'I didn't have time to cut the lawn, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. Do you like the cool color I picked out?'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

Trapeze artists commuting

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

Metrocard error messages

King Commute.

"Baldo, you can't flip off people in a big city like this! You never know what kind of crazies are out there! What if they follow us home?"

Need a Lawyer?

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

'Turn right at the first $4.09 unleaded, then a hang a left at $4.03 unleaded, and over the bridge, past the $4.01 unleaded...'

"It's amazing how well they adapt to an urban environment."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

Manhole Warning

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"