Commuter Humorist Gifts

'I'll fix you! But Good!'

Train Timetable: "If I were you I'd get a car."

'Do you mind! I'm having a private conversation here.'

Next Train 45 Minutes - 'Now the government is back in charge I'll take it with a pinch of salt.'

Honey I'm Home

'I was assured that this would be a double decker bus.'

"Actually, it doesn't contain a train -- just two stations, some track and a bunch of little plastic people standing around with clenched fists."

'Feeling a bit full my lot are packed in like commuters on the Northern line.'

"No, I'm checking to see how long it will be before I have to go to the bathroom."

'Hello Ms. Russel, I'm going to be late in. I'm being held up at Euston.'

'Extinct' Passenger Pigeons Found in London

Businessmen park their cars and mount horses at Park And Ride.

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

"How come we always pick the slowest lane of traffic?"

"Cockfosters!"

An alien takes a train.

"Oh, I'm not really milking her. I do this so I don't have to make eye contact with anybody."

'A return? But then you might as well stay here?'

Covid-19: Mind the Gap

Jubilee Line Extension - Sorry mate, we won't be going south of the river.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

'I like to do my make-up on the train.'

Rail Performance Figures

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

Give us a ride and be able to drive in the car pool lane.

"Frequently rude drivers ahead."

Leg stretching.

A couple negotiating a fare with a cab driver.

Punch waiting to board a train.

Grimm's subway tales

"You can always spot the tourists."

"We've been married for fifteen years. We could at least get off at the same stop."

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'