Commuter With Humor Gifts

God, I hate riding the bus. Sometimes I wish that a limo would pick me up instead. Then I lower my standards and wish for an Uber car. Then it's a cab. I now realize I'd settle for a bicycle. Bus.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

'Now do you believe me about every other driver on the road.'

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

King Commute.

"Baldo, you can't flip off people in a big city like this! You never know what kind of crazies are out there! What if they follow us home?"

Metrocard error messages

'Elevator's fixed.'

"It's amazing how well they adapt to an urban environment."

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

'I don't like this. . .'

Bus Stop Evolution

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

Bus of Fools

'This one's a hood ornament. I got it for carpooling.'

'I'll fix you! But Good!'

'I was assured that this would be a double decker bus.'

"I get here at 6 a.m. and leave by 3 so I can beat the swarm."

Google Maps for Sloths

Getting the Finger

Opera house to support

"Cockfosters!"

"What? Everyone else works on the train."

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '