Commuter's Humor Gifts

King Commute.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Laughing Zone Ahead

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

Comparing lottery odds with bus punctuality.

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

'Now do you believe me about every other driver on the road.'

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

Metrocard error messages

"Baldo, you can't flip off people in a big city like this! You never know what kind of crazies are out there! What if they follow us home?"

'Elevator's fixed.'

"It's amazing how well they adapt to an urban environment."

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

Sticker: 'How's my driving you nuts?'

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

Bus of Fools

"For your information, this 'stuff' happens to be my husband!"

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

'I'll fix you! But Good!'

"I get here at 6 a.m. and leave by 3 so I can beat the swarm."

'I was assured that this would be a double decker bus.'

"Excuse me driver, but your guard is stuck in the doors!"

'I think I'll walk to work today.'

"Cockfosters!"

Getting the Finger

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

Opera house to support

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! If I may have just a moment of your time. My name is edward, and I'll be sitting here reading the paper with my mouth shut. Thank you for your time, have a good evening, and God bless!"