Messy Partner Humor Gifts

"I thought you were organizing my stuff."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"What's come between us?"

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

'You're not a zombie Ralph, you're just a little depressed.'

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'I'm his best friend, until his wife walks in.'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"Your wife is in overly critical condition."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

" and my husband will have..."