Messy Partner Humor Pillows

"I thought you were organizing my stuff."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Skeleton playing fetch.

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"What's come between us?"

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"I'm pretty lucky. I have a wife that tolerates both my lactose and bad habits."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

'I'm his best friend, until his wife walks in.'

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

Relationship improving since husband only talks in his sleep

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

Retired Talk Show Host.

'You're not a zombie Ralph, you're just a little depressed.'

"Your wife is in overly critical condition."