Joking Partner Pillows

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

Skeleton playing fetch.

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

Get crazy once in a while

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Caution May Contain Nuts.

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

Pesky students.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

Giraffe wanders into Lion country.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

A Young Boy Talking To An Old Gentleman.

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

Bottle-nosed Dolphins.

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

Bishop has his robes stuck in his pants.

'They were all out of roses.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'