Menopause Maven Gifts

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

'Other women get hot flashes -- My wife has temperature tantrums.'

Cloud Menopause

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

Man blending in to his chair is reading Optical Illusion Monthly magazine.

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Which fashion magazine do you recommend?'

"Arthur, I need my space."

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

Who Wore It Best?

"We really have to catch up on our New Yorkers."

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Punch Magazine - "You've got a circulation problem."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'