Menopause Maverick Gifts

"Not a word, Doc! I'm having hot flashes!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

'It's my biological clock.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

Internal Clock

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'You know you're 40 when...'

'Night sweats, what night sweats?'

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'

'There, there, Mrs Hornsby. Many women your age go through menopausal facial hair growth.'

"Nothing worse than a hot flash when you're retaining water."

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

'I have to face it Irma, I haven't laid an egg in a week now: I'm menopausal...'