Menopause Navigator Gifts

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

"Your contents have shifted."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

'It's my biological clock.'

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.