Menopause Warriors Gifts

The Fountain of Menopause

"These cold flashes are terrible, I can't stop shaking." "I'll crank it up another two hundred, dear. That should do it." "The real reason for global warming."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'I know you don't want to admit you're old enough to be menopausal, but blaming your hot flashes on global warming...'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

Male & Female separate company buildings

'It's my biological clock.'

"Shame about the ovaries..."

'Life was moving along at a nice, steady pace, then I hit middle age and my life hot-flashed before my eyes!'

Many women report sleep disturbances associated with the post-menopausal period.

'This isn't any comparison to my going through menopause!'

"We can go with the hormone-replacement therapy or skip straight to the husband replacement."

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

'Well, Mrs.Gurkemiller...Either your female cycle has turned to European summer time, or you're pregnant.'

Flo's kids had a harder time adjusting to their mother's hot flashes than she did.

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

Internal Clock

'Night sweats, what night sweats?'

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

'Listen Buddy! After the hot flushes I've been having this is like a resort!'