Menopause Milestone Gifts

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

Cardiac Recovery.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Church Basement Foodie

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"You're right, they are statins."

"I love the equation that describes the slope of your nose."

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

Medication for the elderly

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

"Romance"

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.