Menstrual Cycle Navigator Gifts

'You want to borrow a tampon?!'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"Your contents have shifted."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

Fear of news.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'Crisis'

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

'You can't fire me! I'm too big to fail!'

Menopause and the City

"Oh, say you can't see, any conflicts of interest in me! What's good for my brand, is now the law of the land! And the crooked media's nasty glare, my killer tweets bursting in air... Gave proof to the news cycle, that I'm so awesome it's almost unfair!..

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

Made in China.

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Looks like he's coming around to our way of thinking."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

Boom and Bust

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"Honey, wake up! I just remembered something you did that annoyed the hell out of me!"

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

Ben Bernanke says no recession yet.