Menstrual Cycle Gifts

BEWARE woman with PMS

Soup of the month.

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Let's skip to dessert

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

What is it with football and this drinking culture?

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

'Champions league'

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

Snowman Football Fan.

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

Football player has head instead of ball.