Menstrual Cycle Gifts

BEWARE woman with PMS

Bowled over again!

Soup of the month.

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Let's skip to dessert

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Champions league'

What is it with football and this drinking culture?

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

Don't have a hot flush....

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Snowman Football Fan.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

No Time-Outs Left. Please Help.

Menopause and the City

... And by the end of the first quarter of the game, the famous 'Man Cave' was completely deserted.

Football is like investing. It's good to have a diversified portfolio. A team should use a balanced mix of run plays and pass plays. And sometimes the quarterback is smart to accept a sack rather than trying something too risky. Right. Take the small loss and move on. A defensive player getting a finger on a pass can have a big impact. In both football and investing a tip can be a real game changer. But some things are different. Football has nothing like a T-Bill. There are no guarant

'That's a personal foul, roughing the passer!'

'Okay, men, let's go out and win one for the flipper.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'