Menstrual Maven Gifts

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

Gloria sure did like her new panty liners with wings

Muscles

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Mendelssohn Finds His Inspiration

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

Musical genres

"Arthur, I need my space."

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

"Yes, the migration flight home is always faster, but it's thanks to the prevailing winds, not just because we're keen to get home..."

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

Body Building Mishap

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

"Oh, grow up!"

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'