Masculinity Maven Gifts

Son. It's time you had a proper man's haircut, like me!

Muscles

"Ninja bread men"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Myths and legends...

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

"Like that?"

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

Body Building Mishap

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

Greek Tragedy: 'Yes... we agree to further cuts in government spendings..!!!'

Facial hair continental drift.

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'