Masculinity Maven Gifts

Son. It's time you had a proper man's haircut, like me!

Muscles

"Ninja bread men"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"Forget sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm going for buns of steel!"

Myths and legends...

"Like that?"

"You'll have to forgive Roland. He still uses 'stomach' and 'abdominals' interchangeably."

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

Man posing on beach as women ignore him.

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"Arthur, I need my space."

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

'Sorry, you're just not built right for weightlifting.'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

Don't bother Daddy -- he's just upset because Lady Godiva joined the anti-Crusade movement.'

Greek Tragedy: 'Yes... we agree to further cuts in government spendings..!!!'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

Body Building Mishap

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Facial hair continental drift.

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

'Our marriage has been so successful because we are open to each others' points of view, and we always think for ourselves... isn't that right, honey?'