Maternity Maven Gifts

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"A decent obstetrician wouldn've never let me progress into my fifth trimester!"

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Yes, it's great to be pregnant, but a 22-months pregnancy is too long: I want to see my baby!'

"It's twelve weeks of parental leave per child, right, sir?"

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"I thought this might happen. Contractions have started and I haven't sent out my change of address cards."

"I trust I don't get them mixed up. The midwife will be weraing a badge. Mum will be wearing a sigh of relief."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'You GO, girl!'

"Well - you guessed it!"

'I think breast milk is better... It's free, always fresh and the cat can't get to it.'

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

Susan found she had responded well to her fertility treatment.

'See that kid, there? I delivered him. He never calls, he never writes...'

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

'No, I didn't get the promotion again: It's hard to build a career when you're on Maternity Leav every few months...'

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Jack of all trades

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

'Kroft, Kroft, Kroft...to thine own demographic be true!'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

"May I skip the usual Show & Tell and try to hustle some merch?"

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

"I don't have to be a team player, Crawford. I'm the team owner."

Corporate Team Building. Team. Hey, everybody, I've just been told our CEO fled the country while we've been doing our truth exercises.

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

"Just go with the workflow."

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'