Maternity Mavens Gifts

'Well, Mrs.Gurkemiller...Either your female cycle has turned to European summer time, or you're pregnant.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Mighty Man Of Justice Is Born

'Motherhood is great, but I get a really sore back...'

Batman's Baby

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"Let me connect you with Edith, our specialist in ethnic conflict in the former Yugoslavia. My expertise happens to be in North Korean intransigence."

"That's a big fat lie!"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"Arthur, I need my space."

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

"Call me Ishmael."

'This is what Jack and me have managed to create so far...all you have to do is add your poop to the top and we have a field record!'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

"Damn it, Gwendolyn, you know when you married me I only moved one square at a time."

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'All he wants is sex, sex, sex!'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'You're docile enough alright, but I don't like how you grind your teeth while you sleep!'

"Oh, grow up!"

"Triple whammy."

Happy Mothers Day

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

Mothercare - " I'm going to shop till I drop."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'This is my new boat. I finally succumbed to pier pressure.'