Mobility Mavens Gifts

'Terrible pile-up. One of the Zimmer frames jack-knifed...'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Lady in Card Shop sees Sympathy Cards section with 'Bear Market', 'Falling Dollar' and 'Inflation' categories.

The Cattle show Week.

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

"This doesn't have anything to do with the falling price of oil, does it?"

"Accepting for..."

"She leaked WHAT to the press?"

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

"I knew a breakfast meeting would be a mistake."

"You can't beat the prices of these big box retailers."

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

"I was going to transmute it into gold, and then I read that the base metal market has made a remarkable recovery!"

'I envy your metabolism.'

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

'This is weird - there's a thin person inside me, TEXTING to get out.'

Running in please pass

Scratch 'n' sniff edition...

Mobility scooter driver has stickers for all pedestrians he's knocked over.

Heyyy, don't worry about a thing. One more energy drink and I'll have you sliced and sutured in no time!

"Don't even think about it."

Wall Street .

Pensioner on a mobility scooter who leaves run over pedestrians in his wake has a sign reading 'How's my driving?'

"I'm a local craftsperson - I make money."

"They're dividing into three groups, Sire. Infantry, cavalry, and media."

News of the World

'They're very easy to use - just remember not to press the large button marked 'Nitro' '

"Are you playing footsie with me?"