Modern Mavens Gifts

'If my phone is a smart phone, is your wall phone a dumb phone?'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

Medieval headlines.

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'It's a gadget for buying gadgets over the net.'

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

"I'm glad I found the time to join this meeting, otherwise we wouldn't see each other in years!"

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

"Trigger Warning."

Tracey Emin's work My Bed, alongside Marcel Duchamp's urinal (titled Fountain). Duchamp referred to his works as 'readymades'. Emin's work is 'unmade'.

"Oh look - a Bauhaus Bird Box."

'Boat thefts are up, so I invested in a bigger padlock.'

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

'Hey, lady...this application wants me to PRINT my name but OBVIOUSLY I don't carry my PRINTER with me!'

Save the Humans.

'There were bound to be some objectors.'

Mechanization of sugar cane harvesting

'Someday, I'm sure there will be a smaller, more mobile version.'

"Guys my age get all their news from 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'"

'Would you mind throwing out some of your spare motorcycle parts? I'd like to park my car in the garage.'

Sid the squid was an expert escapologist!

"Wow, wicked! "Killer Whale" is such a cool nickname!"

Hairstyle Inspiration

A semi-automated coconut harvester.

"I've called this meeting to discuss the high level of absenteeism within this company!"

Magazine Section at Shops

'Terrible pile-up. One of the Zimmer frames jack-knifed...'

We'll be happy to admit you when you are off the phone.