Menopause Mood Maven Gifts

'Other women get hot flashes -- My wife has temperature tantrums.'

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'You think this is hot. Try having hot flashes, too.'

"Extra large sanitary pads and extra small ones, pads for the night..."

Don't have a hot flush....

Menopause and the City

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

Flash Cuisine

'No Dear, the Tooth Fairy is long gone. I'm the Hot-Flash Fairy.'

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

"Mush on."

"I can't hold it together much longer. . . If Bradley doesn't wipe that smug, self-satisfied smirk off his face soon, I swear I'll kill him."

"You bet I'm stressed, I can't stop imagining there's a poacher hiding behind every bush..."

Another hot flash?

"Oh, grow up!"

Post-psychoanalysis

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'Psychoanalysis is passé. I suggest we ask for asylum in France.'

'You think irritable fowl syndrome is bad? Just wait until you hit menopause.'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'Not to worry. Water retention is a common symptom of menopause.'

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

'Do you mind if I take the rest of the session to get your input on investor psychology?'

"You've got to want to connect the dots, Mr. Michaelson."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"My previous patient thought he was a cruise missile."

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'