Mid-life Navigator Gifts

'It's time for your crisis.'

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

No Immediate Danger

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

Better times ahead.

Bashful in Nashville

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

Midlife: You Are Here.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Menopause and the City

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Doubt or Certainy

"And they all lived happily ever after? Boy, that's not the version I found on YouTube!"

Parkinson Ave - Alzheimer Drive

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Lawrence of Suburbia