Membership Mavens Gifts

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

'I'm an atheist!'

'Surely they're not ALL still in their offices!'

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

'First, the Rules of Engagement for this meeting ...'

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

Ralph Stanley

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"Gotta go. My ten o'clock is here."

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

'..Can I interest you in our new fragrance - 'Are''

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

Tuba Player Stores a Barrel of Beer

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'I can't remember. Edith, am I forgetful?'

"Well the good news is that 67 people want to attend the leadership course, the bad news is that 58 of them want to run it!"

"You people make me sick. Nonetheless, here's a little toe-tapper."

Stunning politeness.

"My one-man band is breaking up."

"All in favor of toupees, say aye."

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

'Good grief!! You're here already..?!'

Elton John

Houdini tries to get out of dinner with his in-laws.

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

"I'm glad I found the time to join this meeting, otherwise we wouldn't see each other in years!"

'My Brew's really hoppy. . . I use the whole frog!'

"Guys my age get all their news from 'The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.'"

'Our poll shows the typical advertising viewer is all 'targeted' out.'

'If my phone is a smart phone, is your wall phone a dumb phone?'

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'