Manners Mavens Gifts

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

Stunning politeness.

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

Getting a seat on the bus.

'Now say 'please'.'

'My teacher says that violence never solves anything.', 'We don't talk that way at the dinner table!'

'Good day madam.'

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Gesundheit.'

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Timothy-Rex! Stop playing with the food!'

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

"Fetch! What about a please?"

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'Say, please.'

Politeness opens doors

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'Honey, we don't stare.'

"Gesundheit!"

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'