Manners Gifts

'I can never remember. Does the cell phone go on the left or the right?'

'Gesundheit.'

Two Englishmen Who Were Never Formally Introduced.

'Watch out for the queue-jumper. Pass it on.'

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

It's all in how you ask ("Want some coffee?")

True Humility - Curate's Egg.

'How many times do I have to tell you...What's the magic word?'

'What's the one little word you've forgotten?'

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

Canadian Standoff

"You can't thank Grandmom with a tweet! She deserves the respect of a good old fashioned email."

"Don't say 'After you'."

'Pick up your feet when you walk.'

'I thought it was polite to ask about the baby. I didn't know she was just overweight.'

Stunning politeness.

The Cell Phone Is Here to Stay

'Don't you mean, Help please.'

Impasse in the corridor of the National Society of Common Courtesy.

'It isn't polite to point.'

"Mum says I've got to thank you if you gave me anything."

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'You're supposed to sneeze on your own elbow.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Say 'Please'.'

"Tell us again about civil discourse. We promise not to laugh this time."

'It's marvellous Gordon, how you manage to attract the waiter's attention.'

'I'm surprised you weren't spanked as a child. Perhaps you should have been.'

'Remember, it's not just gimme. It's please gimme.'

'Dad, I know we're supposed to hate postmen, but what is the etiquette for couriers?'

'I don't care who you are buddy. . . no one back-washes in this house!!'

"Remember to be home on time. We're having an orgy with the Steins."

Snowman Tips Hat... And Head.

'Don't stare, honey, it's rude. Use your camera phone.'

Peas and Q's in a garden.