Manners Mavens Pillows

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

Stunning politeness.

"All you had to do was ASK us to leave!"

Getting a seat on the bus.

'Now say 'please'.'

'My teacher says that violence never solves anything.', 'We don't talk that way at the dinner table!'

'Good day madam.'

"Why do all butlers say m' lud at the end of every sentence!"

"How is it that someone who reads all the Harry Potter books still doesn't know the magic word?"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Gesundheit.'

'Excuse me Ma'am, do you mind if I smoke?'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

Gym. Check in Here. The only time I feel the burn is when I pay the memberbship fee.

'Timothy-Rex! Stop playing with the food!'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Dear Miss Etiquette, I'm never sure if I should say anything...'

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

"Gesundheit!"

"China Ministry of State Security Royal Infiltration Training Unit"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

'Say, please.'

'Honey, we don't stare.'

Politeness opens doors