Mediterranean Diet Devotee Gifts

Mediterranean Martini

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

'That was the best 'Filet Magnon' I've had in a while.'

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

Obesity Report

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

"I'm right off my quinoa doc."