Diet Management Devotee Gifts

"This cat has got to go on a diet...he weighs 78 pounds!"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

Fat man on scales.

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'