Dietary Devotee Gifts

"Give us this day our daily gluten-free sliced white ciabatta."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

All Natural Nothing

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'