Dietary Devotee Gifts

"Give us this day our daily gluten-free sliced white ciabatta."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

All Natural Nothing

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'Bigley, you're over-training!'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'...and one 'death by chocolate', Sir.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."