Diet Dedicant Gifts

'It appears I have too much cargo for my pants.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Secretive Weigh In.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

To do before Saturday...

Critisize your weight.

All Natural Nothing

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'