Diet Dilettantes Gifts

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Appliances. Sale. Talking Scales. I had a talking scale once, but the refrigerator told it to shut up.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

Somewhere in France - The Eliot sisters come face to face with escargots.

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

'House wine?'

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Macho Vegetarian

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'Normally, seafood is good for you.'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'That's our most effective weight-loss patch.'

"I hate this smart refrigerator."

"A flake? I told you I'm on a diet."

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

The Salvador Deli

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

'I usually discourage high-fat foods, Mr. Hall, but in your case, a Good Humor bar is in order.'